How to End a Marriage When You Have Children

Divorce is a stressful event no matter what the circumstances. It becomes much more important to settle your differences in a civil and understanding way when there are children involved however, as children often see a divorce of their parents as their fault, and that you are divorcing them as well.

Maintaining your friendship with your soon to be ex-spouse needs to be every divorcing party’s intent prior to establishing the settlement issues within the divorce. Ultimately, if you are not ready to part as friends, especially if you have children, and there is no abuse or addictions involved, then you need to seek counseling until you are both ready to let go in a more mature and consciously aware fashion.

If there are addictions involved, the divorce intention and focus of the sober, non-addictive parent needs to be the mental, physical, and emotional safety of the children and themselves. Working very closely with legal counsel, as well as a therapist of some kind, for this parent will be paramount to ensuring an easier transition for the entire family. And as long as the addictive partner is in treatment, is not abusive and actively working to resolve their issues, even supervised visitation can exist for the children if they want it.

If there is property involved, whether real or personal, both parties need to focus on what will be in the best interest of the children, and then work together as much as possible to ensure that every decision made first incorporates their desires as well. Often it is not financially feasible for parties to maintain the marital domicile while also offering the absent spouse a good quality of life. The idea is not to harm or create hardship for anyone involved, it is to maintain dignity and fairness at all costs.

Finding suitable housing for the custodial parent and the children will need to be the first joint project of the separating spouses in this instance, and the needs and desires of the children, together with the financial capabilities of the partners will be the main criteria for determining location and premises.

In the end you will be teaching your children very valuable lessons about what is necessary when you have outgrown a relationship, as well as informing them through your actions that you still care about everyone involved, and are simply changing the dynamics of your family structure, not ending the family relationship entirely.

Ending a marriage does not need to entail ending a family. In fact, in most instances, the resulting ease of tension and new peace that is found when warring spouses are separated can be a balm for everyone involved and offers a new outlook and way of life in the midst of difficult, but necessary, changes.